John Travolta & Kelly Preston's Pregnancy: Why Is This Anyone's Business?

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John Travolta & Kelly Preston’s Pregnancy: Why Is This Anyone’s Business?

By Andrew Vorzimer ⋅ May 19, 2010 ⋅

Filed Under baby, celebrities, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Matthew Broderick, privacy, Sarah Jessica Parker

I had hoped that it would not be necessary to have to comment on this “news” story as it is becoming strikingly similar to the tasteless coverage of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s surrogate pregnancy more than a year ago. I get the media and public’s fascination with celebrities. Yet it goes too far. I just saw this blog post and cringed:

Preston also could have used an egg donor, an option that many other women choose to avoid the possibility of a baby born with birth defects. There really are so many variables, and until the Travolta-Prestons tell us more, all we can do is speculate.

Excuse me, but what right does this author, Cynthia Dermody, or anyone else have to “expect” Mr. Travolta or Ms. Preston to “tell us more”? This is a personal matter and we ought to respect the sanctity of their marriage and their right to privacy. It is bad enough that celebrities feel compelled to preemptively address these issues so as to avoid rank speculation. But to expect the details of the conception of their child? That is beyond reproach and indefensible.

Moreover, have any of these bloggers or media outlets even considered the effect their coverage will have on the baby? No child should be subject to this kind of scrutiny where, in this information age, every aspect of their conception could become part of the public record. It is difficult enough growing up as the child of a celebrity, but to have this kind of detail available publicly is beyond the pale. Additionally, one of the most difficult issues any couple who used donor sperm or egg has to grapple with is what and when to tell the child about their biological origins. Apparently the media believes they are in the best position to make this decision without regard to the consequences of their actions.

I realize the inevitability of people speculating about the origins of this child. I also concede that an argument can be made that this can serve as an educational opportunity to address issues involving diminished ovarian function and pregnancy risks due to age. But to expect this couple to produce additional information on how their baby was conceived? It is not acceptable to ask an pregnant woman where, when and what position she was in when their child was conceived. Nor is it appropriate to ask a man or a woman if they needed the assistance of a donor to achieve their pregnancy. Why a different standard for Ms. Preston and her husband?

After everything this couple has been through, I would hope people would respect their privacy and leave them alone. They deserve the same dignity and respect as the rest of us.

Discussion

31 comments for “John Travolta & Kelly Preston’s Pregnancy: Why Is This Anyone’s Business?”

Yo-yo Mama

This subject has been a bone of contention in the IF world for as long as I’ve been blogging (5 yrs). Not only do some look at this as education, but they feel that if celebrities come out of the closet, so to speak, about their IF then maybe other non-celebs wouldn’t feel the shame which is commonly associated with their infertility.

However, I agree with you and you made the same point I have in the past and that is you wouldn’t expect your friends to share their coital position in their conception; why the hell would anyone expect a celeb to? Leave that to the Paris Hiltons of the world. Congrats to the Travoltas.
Amy Demma

It’s likely very true that if a parent or parent-to-be of celebrity status goes public with the hows, wheres and whys of the assisted conception of their child(ren), awareness will be raised. For some non-celebs, a celebrity spokesperson for family building through ART helps equalize the struggle…”I’m not only one of the 1 in 8 Americans struggling w/IF but so is the person on the cover of People Magazine.” I understand it but I just don’t buy it. Awareness is imperitive, public education, critical. Good legislation is written, insurance companies become compelled to offer coverage, perhaps a greater public kindness comes from destigmatizing ART. But how can anything good come from “outing” a celebrity about their family building? Why do we feel entitled to inquire, presume, dig, compel disclosure about a matter that is not only private to the prospective parent but so deeply personal to the expected baby/child. Another great post, Andy, thanks!
- Andrew Vorzimer
  
  Well said, Amy!
Marna Gatlin

omg. Andrew I published a comment much like yours over at Cynthia’s post. She really chaps my hide. Thank you so much for talking about this — everyone deserves privacy.
- Andrew Vorzimer
  
  Ahh, so that was you Marna, bravo! Lets see if they leave your comment up as they have been deleting some of the critical statements.
Marna Gatlin

Amy!!!!Buono detto!
Roma Rankin

I agree..it’s not some insatiable curiosity as to why we all want to know. What it is is merely understanding.

By acting like this is a natural child at 47, it makes everyone out there, including me, who is suffering from infertility feel like there’s hope. I’m only 39. There is no hope per my doctor, but this gives me hope again.

AND, coming out and saying she used an egg donor would also bring awareness to egg donors, the reason women use them etc. I am not so much influenced by “celebrity” but other women who are in middle america who are influenced by celebrities, it would also make egg donors an okay option. Marcia Cross came out and said she used an egg donor and I thought to myself, huh…interesting.

So, you can be mad all you want at the curiosity, but it’s not that..it’s wanting to understand she isn’t superhuman and Demi Moore won’t be either (though she may have frozen her eggs when she met Ashton knowing the clock was ticking). And as for your “Standard” — it is a different standard, she is in the public eye and made a “statement” that she is a pregnant–when I get pregnant, now matter how I do it, I can promise you, it won’t be on the cover of people magazine, because no one will care about little ol’ me.
- Andrew Vorzimer
  
  Does anyone believe she is super-human? It is common knowledge that women over the age of 40 will have a difficult time conceiving. One’s profession or celebrity does not change their underlying biology. It would be akin to insisting that when Arnold Schwarzenegger or Toby McGuire dies, that their autopsy results be made public so everyone knows they truly weren’t superheroes.
  
  I respect my clients that go public with their situation. But I also respect those that choose to maintain a modicum of privacy. Ultimately it is their decision and we do not have a right to know nor should they be pressured to disclose personal, intimate medical issues – to say nothing of the potential ramifications to their child who has to have their origins available for public consumption.
  - Mazy
    
    It isn’t common knowledge to people that conceiving in your 40s is hard. For instance, my 41 year old friend thinks she will have no trouble getting pregnant after she gets married later on this year. This is a woman with a master’s degree. Celebrities like Kelly Preston contribute to the notion that all things are possible and foster the idea that women have time to wait because so and so in the public eye had a baby/babies in her mid to late 40s.
    
    I don’t have a comment about “outing” these people, but wanted to let you know that there are indeed smart older women who only want to see what they can see. Why my friend doesn’t just google is beyond me– perhaps she is afraid to see the realities when these realities aren’t “positive”…
    - Julia
      
      I absolutely agree. When I heard about Celine Dion’s pregnancy, it made me believe that I can do it too. I was mentally preparing myself to do what she did in order to succeed and she was my hero. Only recently I found out that she used her egg that had been frozen for 8 years, of her younger self. So that is just not fair. Without that piece of information the whole thing is misleading and not true and people who are in the public eye ought to think about all that influence and responsibility. They absolutely need to disclose that information.
- S.Reaume
  
  This is by any standard private period. However, it would of been better then to see this in a medical article magazine, rather then the Inquirer the guessing of “Who Is The Real Mommy” as stated in article – tacky, not educational, not informative for infertility issues. When you have a daughter fighting the same battle, it becomes personal and up close. Wear the shoe, and you’ll find out.
Sally

I agree they deserve their privacy. But, women who are 47 very, very rarely have babies with their own eggs. When older celebrities (and there have been a lot of them) appear to have babies out of nowhere, it makes the general public think that they too can wait (too long) to have kids. They begin to feel like something is wrong with them if they can’t get pregnant over 40. Celebrity women who have babies at 45+ don’t have some secret fountain of youth. They just have access to more money, better doctors, etc. They can afford to go through multiple egg or embryo donor cycles.

No one would ever think of hiding the fact that they adopted a baby, so I dont understand why it seems to be the norm to hide a pre-conception adoption of an egg or embryo.

Every woman (or couple) has a right to handle their own situation in a way they feels appropriate. To each their own, but I admire the way someone like Celine Dion has handled it. She is showing that its normal and okay to want and try to have kids after a career or at an older age, but she is also showing that choosing to do so is very difficult. She admits that waiting may mean that you have to go to some pretty extreme and trying measures to get it done. I admire her sincerity and her honesty. Both avoid presenting an unrealistic view of fertility and provide a more accurate picture of trying to get pregnant at an older age.
- Andrew Vorzimer
  
  Thank you for your thoughtful reply. My question to you though is where do you draw the line? I appreciate the fact that high-profile individuals are in a position to inspire others. But that should be a choice, not an obligation. So returning to my original question, where is that line in the sand drawn. Should celebrities have to disclose the details of any treatment they are receiving for STDs because that would raise awareness and reduce the stigma? Should an actress be compelled to disclose her infertility treatement regime? Should an actor that suffers from erectile dysfunction have an obligation to publicize it because it could influence others to seek treatment? Or does an an actor have a responsibility to come out of the closet and acknowledge their sexual orientation because it could help others struggling with a similar situation?
  
  Choice or obligation? With all due respect, I believe it is the former.
- Leah
  
  Every Woman’s Body Is Different. It does not matter if your a celebrity or not. Not everyone goes through menapause or pre menapause at the same ages. It only takes one egg. My XBFs.. mother got pregnant with no egg donors by accident at 50. I read countless blogs.. where ordinary women by some miracle.. on their own without egg donors having healthy babies in their late forties. I even know a lady who had a baby at 52. So.. get the fact straight.. because not everyone’s body is the same!
  - livhug
    
    I am fifty two…no period in two years, and a tubal ligation at age 39………God, I hope there is no chance I can conceive.
  - NoLimits
    
    Great comment Leah!
    
    I too know women (3) in their mid to late 40s (and early 50s) that have given birth to health babies naturally. Giving birth in late life may be improbable but it is NOT impossible.
    
    I’m of the belief a women should do her own research regarding pregnancy (traditional & alternative approaches) and not rely on what celebrities say or don’t say about their method of conception.
Amy Demma

Here’s the good news, Andy. You don’t have to draw that line in the sand, I believe that HIPPA has already taken care of that.
Amy Demma

Not sure of the proper blog etiquette (and if the following is inappropriate, pardon me) but thought I would share the link to a short piece I wrote inspired by your original post, Andy. Take a look if you have a moment.

http://weblog.prospectivefamilies.com/2010/05/21/i-was-not-donor-conceived/
- Andrew Vorzimer
  
  Thanks for bringing that to my attention, Amy. I am going to link it on the front page because the message is so powerful.
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45 Plus Who Had Fertility Treatments

While I agree, it’s no body’s business whether Kelly or anyone for that matter had donor egg, IVF, etc.

It is however, misleading, the way the media portrays it, as their is no other info as to “how”. While miracles do happen, and in the pre-birth control ages, women had babies into their late 40s, supposedly it is rare, I was naturally pregnant @ age 45, but did end up having a miscarriage.

For the next 2 years we vigorously tried fertility treatments, only to have them not work. During the process, I was asked by my fertility doctor if I would consider a donor egg, but I do not want to go that route.

So, while it is no one’s business, statistics are most likely right.

Perhaps the media can put a disclaimer on these stories of older women who seemingly naturally get pregnant, i.e. for entertainment only, and list the statistics, etc. for pregnancy at this age, so the masses aren’t mislead?

Just a thought. It won’t cast aspersions as to anyone’s pregenancy, but would be responsible reporting.
- Julia
  
  Thank you, I think it’s a great take.
45 Plus Who Had Fertility Treatments

While I agree, it’s no body’s business whether Kelly or anyone for that matter had donor egg, IVF, etc.

It is however, misleading, the way the media portrays it, as there is usually no other info as to “how”. While miracles do happen, and in the pre-birth control ages, women had babies into their late 40s, supposedly it is rare, I was naturally pregnant @ age 45, but did end up having a miscarriage.

For the next 2 years we vigorously tried fertility treatments, only to have them not work. During the process, I was asked by my fertility doctor if I would consider a donor egg, but I do not want to go that route.

So, while it is no one’s business, statistics are most likely right.

Perhaps the media can put a disclaimer on these stories of older women who seemingly naturally get pregnant, i.e. for entertainment only, and list the statistics, etc. for pregnancy at this age, so the masses aren’t mislead?

Just a thought. It won’t cast aspersions as to anyone’s pregenancy, but would be responsible reporting.
Daphne

Whether or not they used a donor egg is nobody else’s business.

Even if she did use an egg donor, the baby will still be “hers”. Babies conceived from egg donation also inherit some things from the mother who carries them in her uterus. The developing embryo gets cells from its mother, as it grows for nine months in her body.

I feel sorry for any woman who would rather be childless, than use a donor egg to get pregnant.
Traci

I do agree that the speculation concerning celebrities and their late-in-life conceptions has gotten to be a bit much. Yes, it is definitely their business. But it doesn’t exactly surprise me that the questions get asked. When you are a celebrity, you’re seen by millions. There’s bound to be some rude twerps who will ask.

That said, I feel a chord of understanding with those here who have expressed their frustration with the perpetuated myth that Hollywood celebs are naturally conceiving in their late 40s and even early 50s without expensive help.

A dear friend of mine and her husband are about to become first-time egg donors after a failed IVF attempt. She, too, has seen the stories of so-called Hollywood “natural” conceptions.

I’m not saying that anyone is obligated to tell the world that they used an egg donor. But wouldn’t it be great if these celebrities were honest about it instead of leading people to believe that it “suddenly happened” with no intervention. It DOES give non-celebrities like my friend hope that they, too, can conceive later in life.

It’s time for the stigma of egg donation to be removed. There is no shame in adoption. There should be none in using an egg donor. Perpetuating medical myths is simply unfair to those hoping and praying for a mathematical miracle.
Yolanda Arias-Arenas

It isn’t anyone’s business how the baby was conceived but I do believe that it would be nice if they did let the public know if the baby was conceived through IVF/donor egg.

Why you ask? Because there are probably women out there in their mid to late 30’s thinking, if Kelly had a baby at 47, then I can have one too at that age.

Not true, a woman over the age of 40 has about a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. The numbers go down as a woman ages.

My husband and I are trying for one more but the odds are against us. I love the celebrities that are forthcoming and tell the public if they’ve used donor eggs, no false hope there.
lucinda

Every woman is different.
My Aunt had her 1st baby @ 39 and 2nd @ 44 easily. Other woman have a difficult time so it all depends on the individual.
Farrah Munoz

oh, fer fuck’s sake. Don’t you twats have anything better to bitch about than the treatment those “poor celebrities” are getting re the speculation about the baby. First of all HE’S GAY! And, and so is she. Second of all…OF COURSE THEY USED AN EGG DONOR.
No go think about something useful.
Idiots.
Dee

Its sad that other women think Kelly Preston owes them an explanation on how she got pregnant. Ever heard of “medical privacy”? So what if other older women think they can do it, too. That’s their problem. They should get fertility information from their doctor, not from celebrities. Want to find out if you can still get pregnant? Go see a doctor. Period.
Poorjontravolta

To the person who wrote this: it’s not NECESSARY for you to comment on this story, you are doing so because you want to or have nothing better to do than try to defend some celebrity you have never even met. So annoying, get over yourself whoever you are!
Poorjontravolta

And if it’s nobody’s business then why are they celebrities??? So ridiculous….why do people take it so personal when people talk about celebrities? You don’t even know those people! that’s the whole point of being a celebrity, so people can “speculate” all they want about you, they chose to be famous and lives their lives in front of the world!

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