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Court Ruling: Intended Parents To Pay Child Support To Traditional Surrogate Who Kept Their Baby

This case out of the UK highlights the perils of proceeding with a surrogacy arrangement in a country that permits a surrogate to rescind her consent:

Claiming child support: Surrogate Miss N with her six-month-old daughter


A couple who lost custody of their baby daughter to her surrogate mother have been ordered to hand over more than £500 a month maintenance for the child. Today they spoke of their disgust that they would be forced to pay for someone else to raise the child they will never see.

The father, a leading chef, said the decision by the Child Support Agency ‘added insult to injury’ and that he would appeal against it. He and his wife, who had suffered six late-stage miscarriages including four sets of twins, used a surrogacy website to find a single mother of two on benefits who was willing to carry the baby they longed for.

They made an informal agreement to pay her £10,000 in expenses. But halfway through the pregnancy she decided she wanted to keep the baby and a judge ordered that the woman, who was also the biological mother, could keep the child despite her earlier promise.

The couple, referred to as Mr and Mrs W to protect the child’s identity, later relinquished their contact rights because they said it would be too difficult emotionally and that it was unfair for the baby to be split between two homes. They allowed the surrogate, known as Miss N, to keep the £4,500 they had already given to her.

But now Mr W must also pay £568 in child support every month as the biological father of the eight-month-old girl. ‘She cannot say, “I am keeping your child and now you must pay for it”,’ he said. ‘She has taken away our baby and now she is taking our money. To me, that is completely wrong. The CSA has made the decision as if we were a couple who had broken up, but our situation is unique. ‘We were not having a baby together, we had agreed for her to carry a child for myself and my wife. ‘I have written to Downing Street and my MP to call for a change in the law.’

Mr W said he now suspected it may have been Miss N’s plan all along to have a child with a wealthy man from whom she could claim child support over the next 18 years. ‘We should have seen the signs when she started asking for more than we had agreed. I don’t think this was ever about her suddenly wanting to keep the baby, I think this was about getting an income.’ The chef said he would feel more comfortable paying for vouchers which could be redeemed on food and clothing than money which would not necessarily go towards the child. ‘If I need to pay £500 a month because otherwise the child will be living in poverty then that is another reason why the baby should be with us. We would have given her all the things she needed.’

Mrs W, who is in her late 30s, had cancer of the womb in her 20s and complications from surgery meant it was difficult for her to carry a baby to full term. After she and her husband contacted her via a website, Miss N agreed to be inseminated with Mr W’s sperm, meaning they were both the baby’s biological parents. But the relationship between the two parties turned sour after Miss N apparently began asking for more money. Three months before the baby was due, she sent a text message to the couple to say she was keeping the child.

In July last year she gave birth to baby T and a bitter six-month custody battle ensued. Niss N accused Mr W of being violent towards his wife, which the couple denied. They accused Miss N of neglecting her sons and of living in a filthy home. In January, in a rare case, Miss N was awarded custody after a judge deemed it was in the child’s best interests because there was a ‘clear attachment’ between the mother and daughter.

At the time, Mr Justice Baker warned that the risks of entering into a surrogacy agreement were ‘very considerable’. Surrogacy agreements are not legally binding in court, even with a formal written contract. It is illegal to profit from surrogacy but ‘reasonable expenses’ are permitted.

Discussion

8 comments for “Court Ruling: Intended Parents To Pay Child Support To Traditional Surrogate Who Kept Their Baby”

  • Marilynn

    Isnt a traditional surrogate just a mother? And some married guy is the father? Why would he not have to support his child with this woman? Seems perfectly acceptable to me. Its not like its not his baby, did they say he was not allowed any contact or visitation or even shared custody with the mom? I don’t see what the problem is. If its his son, he got the son he wanted – too bad for his wife – she would not have been the child’s mother anyway she’s a step mom. They maybe expected it to play out different but honestly that would have been a lie anyway. You can’t intend away the truth, Its best that the Mother came to her senses anyway, that way the baby gets to know his mother and father both not just his father.

    • I could not disagree more. First of all, many would dispute the notion that a traditional surrogate is “just a mother.” She may be genetically related to the child she is carrying, but she remains a surrogate. By any definition, she is a woman carrying a child for another.

      Adding to the injustice is that the Intended Parents lost custody of their child. So not only has their surrogate materially breached her agreement to relinquish custody of the child to the genetic father, but the Intended Parents must now pay support for a child that, by all accounts, they will neither have custody of nor visitation with.

      With all due respect, it is difficult to grasp how little compassion you have for this couple or anyone else who need the services of a surrogate. To callously disparage the role of a non-biological parent is to have completely lost sight of what defines a parent. Is a woman who adopts a child not the mother? What about a woman who uses donor eggs and delivers her baby – is she also not the mother? If a man uses donor sperm and has a child with his wife, is he not the father?

      I am curious, what is your definition of a parent?

  • Marilynn

    Well I do not think that its appropriate for the father to loose shared custody unless he’s a danger to the child, which is his and hers. He should of course have visatation. He did get what he wanted in that he is a father. I have not lost sight of what a parent is or of what an adoptive parent is or of what an intended parent is. Don’t you believe that people should not get to start raising children as intended parents until they get permission from the parent? There has to be some chain of custody where the first consents to reliquish to the second. She did not consent to walk away for their baby – its her own baby the child is related to her. My hart aches for women who trust gestational carriers to carry their babys for them to read stories where the gestational carrier decides she wants to raise the baby and walk away from the mother of that child. Like happens where I live in lesbian marriages where one carries the others baby.
    If I was to use Julie Shapiro’s theory of you have to actually do something to earn the title of parent I’d have to say that the father’s wife had not yet had the opportunity to do that there for she is not this child’s parent. I differ from Julie in that I think reproducing ones self is “doing something” sufficient to get the title to be in a position where as the parent you have the option of relinquishing your obligations – as in adoption. I do not believe children are always best off with their parents. Clearly not in many cases, but the parents have to either fail to meet the child’s needs sufficient that a court thinks they should loose custody or they have to willingly surrender their obligations. I don’t think that children should be taken away from their parents and the family they’re related to without the parent’s s consent.

    I think these prior to birth agreements are dangerous and from what I’ve read on Julie’s blog this does not happen very often women typically honor these contracts. It seems going into this the man would have to understand that this was a very real possibility. In terms of medical facts and human reproduction, he is the father and the mother is someone other than his wife. I can be compassionate about her situation without thinking that anyone owes her their baby.
    I just think that where there is consent given to an act of commercial reproduction and subsequent relinquishment, it should be better documented at birth to prevent people from losing custody of their children in cases of clinic error or misappropriation

    I don’t believe payment is sufficient to qualify a person as a parent. I don’t think desire is sufficient either or even supportive behavior. You need consent if your not contributing to the child’s genetic make-up, consent from the person or people who did.

  • marilynn

    Andrew, I’m visiting your blog with a sincere desire to expose myself to views other than my own. I don’t want to be adversarial. I learned a lot by reading Julie Shapiro’s blog (you are on her blog roll). So I will really listen to what your saying if you explain it clearly.

    Of course I have an angle, I help reunite families and the records these people have to work with are horrible. If a person wants to look they are left with a record full of lies and it makes things very difficult for them. Also it means they are quite volnerable to not knowing the truth at all if the truth is not on those records – leaving it up to the people raising the child can be like leaving the fox to watch the chickens if those people don’t want anyone to know the child is not related to them. So I want the laws to change for more accurate records. That’s all. Its not a diabolical desire to undermine non-traditional families or to make steril men and infertile women suffer. I don’t want that at all I just want it to be nearly impossible for them to lie by omission – to lead a child to believe there is maternity and paternity where it does not exist.

    So I have a question for you. The father is choosing not to share custody of his child with the child’s mother and is opting not to have any visitation. He is proposing what would I think be considered abandonment of his child were it not for the fact that he is required to support his child as he might had he simply gotten her pregnant the old fashioned way.

    He chose not to be in the child’s life. That is mighty cold. He does not love his child if he does not get to exclude the child’s mother and replace her? His wife I’m sure would have been wonderful but the child’s mom backed out, she changed her mind. Can you help me to understand why you think his wife deserved to take the baby against the mother’s will. She obviously realized it was not possible for her to give up her own flesh and blood. I think its odd that the father decided not to see his own child any more. That seems to be his choice here not the mother’s. He’s paying support because he is the child’s father I suppose he can choose not to see his son but it just seems so callous. I’d think he’d be happy to be a father sorry the surrogacy contract failed and maybe try again hoping for the best. How sad this is for the child he will get older and know his father would have loved him but only if his wife could have pretended to be his mother by biology? Or only if he never saw his mother or her family again?

    Not being argumentative. Please let me know what point I’m missing.

  • marilynn

    Do you think women who enter into traditional surrogacy contracts should be held to them by law?

    So then should laws that prohibit people from promising to give their children up for adoption once they are born be changed?

    How far in advance would the agreement be valid prior even to conception? Say if a person agreed to give their first born son in exchange for something or nothing – years later along comes the son…do you think they should be held to those terms by law?

    I think people are different though a person can’t really be the object of a contract can a person be the object and if so what is the consideration and the time…those are the three elements is that right? you can tell I am not a lawyer. I do love reading the law though. If you cite codes I will read them all I’ll read anything you suggest. Thanks

    • Hi Marilynn,

      I look forward to continuing this discussion with you. Unfortunately I am about to head out of town and do not have the time today to respond with the level of detail your posts warrant. However, let me briefly answer your most recent questions:

      Do you think women who enter into traditional surrogacy contracts should be held to them by law?

      My personal belief is that both traditional and gestational carrier agreements ought to be enforceable. However, I recognize that with the exception of Arkansas and possibly California, traditional surrogacy agreements are unenforceable and treated differently than a gestational carrier agreement.

      So then should laws that prohibit people from promising to give their children up for adoption once they are born be changed?

      No, they should not be changed. But you conflating adoption with surrogacy and they are completely different concepts. In a surrogacy arrangement, the parties enter into an agreement prior to any pregnancy that the resulting child legally, morally and ethically belongs to the Intended Parents — without regard to consanguinity. From my perspective, the issue revolves around the intent of the parties preconception.

      How far in advance would the agreement be valid prior even to conception? Say if a person agreed to give their first born son in exchange for something or nothing – years later along comes the son…do you think they should be held to those terms by law?

      Again, I think you have the wrong impression about surrogacy. In a surrogate arrangement, the Intended Parents and Surrogate agree in advance to undergo medically supervised treatment with the hope and expectation that the surrogate will become pregnant with the Intended Parents’ child. So whether it takes one insemination/IVF cycle or 10 over 5 years, the result is the same. As long as the parties memorialized their agreement and understanding in writing, then the time frame between the execution of that agreement and the subsequent pregnancy would be irrelevant as long as both sides were in the midst of performance.

      I think people are different though a person can’t really be the object of a contract can a person be the object and if so what is the consideration and the time…those are the three elements is that right? you can tell I am not a lawyer. I do love reading the law though. If you cite codes I will read them all I’ll read anything you suggest.

      I think the best articulation of this “intent based” approach to parenthood is found in the California Supreme Court decision of Johnson v. Calvert which you can read here: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CB4QFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffaculty.law.miami.edu%2Fzfenton%2Fdocuments%2FJohnsonv.Calvert.pdf&rct=j&q=johnson%20v%20calvert&ei=s3avTZX7G4aEvAOCk8ygBw&usg=AFQjCNHosxSNONsfIb9UPtRnnGrBWZL8Uw&cad=rja

  • Marilynn

    Thank you very much for responding to me and I will definitely have read the link you gave me by the time you come back if you have more thoughts to add.

    I will try to show up prepared, not waste your time if your nice enough to explain – especially about this father giving up his rights freely, I’d have been very much on his side had the mother and her unrelated husband tried to block the father from seeing his son, he does not want anything to do with his baby. I’ll read the link

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